Why Family Connection Matters Most as Kids Grow Up

It hits you in ways you didn’t expect: one minute you’re orchestrating playdough sessions and read-aloud cuddles, the next you’re standing in the kitchen, trying to tease a few words out of a teenager who would rather spend the evening locked away in their room with friends, earbuds, and TikTok. It’s a bittersweet truth—connection with our kids changes as they grow, and holding onto it can feel harder than ever as they enter the tumultuous waters of preteen and teen years.

But here’s the reality for those of us navigating the journey with homeschooled and neurodivergent kids: connection isn’t just nice, it’s vital. It’s the net that catches them when the world is shifting under their feet, and the glue that binds a busy, ever-evolving family together, no matter how many plates you’re spinning or how many times you hear, “Do we have any clean socks left?”

Let’s dig into the truth (and the practical how-tos) of staying connected with our older kids—especially when homeschooling, neurodivergence, and the daily chaos try to pull everyone in different directions.

The Foundation: Why Connection Changes (and Deepens) as Kids Grow

Remember those early days when you picked activities and your kids cheerfully tagged along? With tweens and teens, connection gets more complex. Suddenly, they want (and need) more independence. They build their own social circles, try new things, and see their parents more as a safety net than an activity director.

 

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It’s normal for your teens to crave time with their peers, alone time, and the freedom to make mistakes. But underneath that push for independence, they need parents who offer support, not just structure. They need to know home is their soft place to land—a place where someone in their corner understands, even when the world feels upside down.

Even with neurodivergent kids or those with ADHD, anxiety, or other unique wiring, the importance is magnified. Connection becomes a safe harbor, the assurance that no matter what, someone will help them untangle the messes—without judgment.

Casual Connection: The Power of Small Moment

We don’t always need grand gestures or hours of “quality time” blocked off on the calendar. Sometimes, the deepest connections are formed in the little moments—a drive to the dentist’s office, pausing to actually listen to their latest fandom rant, or simply being present in the room while they do their homework.

  • Drop Everything (Sometimes Just for a Minute): If your teen wanders into your office or plops down in the kitchen, that’s your cue. Shut the laptop, put the phone down, and give them your eyes. If you genuinely can’t, let them know, “Give me two minutes to finish this, and I’m all yours.” The message? You are worth my attention.
  • Reflect and Respond, Not Just Listen: Even the smallest slice of their day (“This new soda logo is boring…”) is an invitation. Ask questions, reflect back what you hear. Show that their thoughts and opinions matter, even if it’s about Sprite cans and not calculus.
  • Don’t Fix—Just Be There: Our instinct is to fix, teach, correct. (Guilty.) But being a sounding board—especially if your teen’s had a tough day or is facing a dilemma—matters far more than being a problem-solver. Listen without judgment or interruption. Let them own their stories, and remind them through your presence that they aren’t alone.

Planned Connection: Making Space for Meaningful Moments

Older kids may not jump at the chance for a “family fun night,” but that’s no reason to give up. Pursue the connection anyway, but let them have a say in the shape it takes.

  • Let Them Lead: Ask your young adult or teen what they’d actually enjoy doing with you. Maybe it’s watching an anime marathon, hitting up a theme park, trying axe throwing, or just going out for coffee at their favorite shop.
  • Schedule AND Stay Flexible: Life is busy, and older kids have their own commitments. Short, spontaneous outings or scheduled one-on-one time can both work—just keep inviting, even if they sometimes (or often) say no.
  • Celebrate Small Successes: Sometimes, connection looks like quietly sitting next to each other on a bench at an amusement park because you can’t ride roller coasters anymore (thanks, brain injury). It looks like sharing a snack and laughing about the day, or sending a quick “I love you” text—whether or not you get an enthusiastic response.

When You’re the Only One Trying (And Why It’s Still Worth It)

It’s the truth nobody wants to say out loud, but sometimes only one parent wants to prioritize this kind of connection. Maybe your partner is “tough love” and you’re the bridge builder. Maybe you’re worried you’re being undermined, or that your kids are getting mixed signals about where they stand.

Don’t stop. Even if you’re the only one in the house fighting for that open-door policy, for a home where no one ever “ages out” of belonging. Your kids will know who their soft place is. Your commitment is their compass, even when the world outside says they should have it all figured out at 18.

 

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Navigating Resistance and Building Trust

Let’s be honest. Sometimes, our teens would rather get their wisdom teeth pulled than spend the afternoon with us. Connection can feel one-sided, or like you’re the only one putting in the effort. Here’s what helps:

  • Keep it Brief (at First): Suggest a short outing or activity. No pressure, no expectations for deep conversations—just a chance to be together.
  • Stay Light and Low-Key: Use humor, send memes, find ways to connect on their terms. Don’t bombard them with questions or turn every moment into a life lesson.
  • Practice Presence: Even if all you do is share a car ride, cook together in silence, or show up in the next room while they study—being there, consistently, speaks volumes.
  • Honor Their Autonomy: Adult kids or young adults living at home don’t owe you their time—but knowing you still value it, still extend the invitation, keeps the lines open.
  • Keep Trying: If today’s attempts fall flat, try again tomorrow. The more positive and persistent you can be, the more likely they are to come around.

Modeling Kindness and Inclusion

Little acts matter more than you think. Picking up an extra ice cream for the older kids who stayed home. Knocking before entering their room, giving a hug, making their favorite meal. These moments don’t just strengthen connection—they model the kind of adult you hope they’ll grow up to be.

They’re watching. Even when they’re not joining in, even when you feel like the only one waving the “family time” flag. Every small kindness is a seed planted, ready to take root when they need it most.

The Heart of Connection: What Really Matters

Staying connected to our teens and young adults is less about orchestrating perfect family moments and more about letting them know, in a hundred different ways: you are loved, you are wanted, you belong here—no matter what.

It doesn’t mean being perfect. It means showing up. It means welcoming the eye rolls and awkward moments. It means building a foundation strong enough to weather hard days and big mistakes.

And if it feels like an uphill climb, know that you’re not alone. Keep building, keep loving, keep connecting—one small moment at a time. You’ve got this. And they’re worth it.

 

RLL #280: Why Family Connection Matters Most as Kids Grow Up

Today’s episode of the podcast, is all about building meaningful connections with your preteens and teens—especially as they start finding their independence. Colleen gets real about the challenges of staying connected as kids grow older and shares practical, heartfelt tips on how to keep those important bonds strong (even when everyone’s schedule is packed and the house is chaos!).

Whether you’re navigating parenting differences with your partner, homeschooling neurodivergent kiddos, or just trying to carve out some quality time with your teen, this episode is filled with encouragement and actionable ideas—from quick car chats to planned outings (hello, amusement parks, even if you’re not riding the rollercoasters 👍).

Plus, don’t miss the special Family Connection Challenge in June—there’s something for everyone in the family!

Key Takeaways:

  • Prioritize Connection in the Teen Years: As children become preteens and teens, intentional connection becomes more challenging but remains crucial. Make connection an ongoing priority, not just something you do when they’re young.
  • Connection Is Foundational: A strong parent-child bond is the foundation for emotional, social, and academic growth—especially for neurodivergent kids. It’s the “safety net” that helps families weather challenges.
  • Small Moments Count: Casual, everyday interactions—like giving your full attention, listening without judgment, or acknowledging your child’s feelings—build trust and closeness over time.
  • Planned Time Matters Too: Schedule intentional one-on-one time doing things you both enjoy. Let your teen or young adult take the lead in choosing activities, showing genuine interest in their interests.
  • Be Present and Available: When your child seeks you out, pause what you’re doing. Putting aside distractions and giving your full attention communicates that they are a priority.
  • Support Without Solving: As teens and young adults set out on their own, focus on being a support system rather than trying to solve their problems. Help them see options and let them make their own choices.
  • Respect Their Growing Independence: Understand that pulling away is natural for adolescents and young adults. Stay positive, keep inviting them to connect, and be flexible about how and when you spend time together.
  • Connection Over Correction: Resist the urge to coach, correct, or offer advice unless asked. Concentrate on enjoying your child’s company and celebrating who they are, not just what they do.
  • Use Technology Mindfully: Texts, memes, and short messages can help maintain connection—especially when your kids are away. Keep it light and avoid overwhelming them with too many questions or expectations.
  • Model Kindness and Inclusion: Simple gestures—like small acts of kindness or including everyone—demonstrate the type of connection you hope your children will seek and offer in return.
  • Stay Persistent: Even if it feels one-sided at times, keep showing up. Consistent, kind efforts to connect make a lasting impact, even as your children grow more independent.

The underlying message? Connection is not about being perfect—it’s about showing up, looking your kid in the eye, and letting them know they matter. By being responsive, by offering both presence and independence, we help our kids grow into confident, resilient adults who know, no matter where they go, there’s always a safe place to return.

Whether you try a weeklong challenge or simply make eye contact at the dinner table tonight, every effort counts toward raising lifelong learners—and lifelong bonds.

Ready for More?

 

Keep an eye out for new courses and coaching programs, perfect for your family. Stay tuned for more information by joining our newsletter if you haven’t already—it’s the best way to ensure you’re up-to-date with the latest resources and support.

 

Get the Book

For a deeper dive into these transformative concepts, don’t forget to grab my new book, The Homeschool Advantage, where you can explore chapter six and beyond. It’s a fantastic resource filled with actionable advice for homeschool educators.

 

Links and Resources from Today’s Episode

Our sponsor for today’s episode is CTC Math

 

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