Parenting gifted children comes with its own set of challenges, and perfectionism is often a significant part of the journey. As parents, particularly homeschooling parents, it is important to understand and help our children navigate through their perfectionistic tendencies. Let’s dive into what perfectionism looks like in gifted children and how we can help our kids understand and manage these traits.

 

 

 

One approach for parents to help children understand and navigate their perfectionism involves evaluating tasks on a scale from one to five. This method is useful in teaching children to distinguish between critical and non-critical issues. Encourage your child to rate various tasks or concerns based on their importance. Doing so helps them see that not everything requires the same level of effort or perfection. 

For example, a child might rate a school project as a “five” in importance and a minor error in their handwriting as a “one.” This simple practice can reduce undue stress and hypercriticism by helping them prioritize where to focus their effort.

 

Creating a Common Vocabulary

 

Another important aspect for parents is to develop a common vocabulary to talk about these issues. Homeschooling parents, in particular, wear multiple hats and deal with additional layers of responsibility. Using consistent language when discussing perfectionism and self-reflection can make a huge difference. It creates a shared understanding and helps children feel heard and supported.

Normalize conversations around self-evaluation and self-reflection. Encourage children to recognize and accept their unique traits, helping them see their perfectionism as a part of who they are, rather than something to be fixed.

 

Prioritizing Connection Over Perfection

 

In our quest for academic excellence, it is easy to forget that moments of connection and love are fundamental. As homeschooling parents, remember that your dedication and sacrifice are already more than enough for your children. 

A significant lesson here is to give yourself grace. It’s okay to have days when things don’t go as planned. Instead of focusing too much on academic achievements, strive to create meaningful connections with your children. Spend time with them, engage in activities they love, and prioritize building a strong, loving relationship.

 

Strategies for Managing Hyper-Criticism

 

Gifted children often have cognitive traits that make them exceptionally critical, not just of others, but also of themselves. This hyper-criticism can manifest in various ways, such as constant dissatisfaction with their work or seeking overly complex solutions to simple problems.

Provide outlets for them to express their ideas on improvement. For instance, teach them to jot down thoughts and suggestions on how they could do better next time. This practice helps them channel their critical nature constructively rather than letting it overwhelm them.

 

 

Finding Tools That Support

 

Sometimes, traditional methods of learning or working don’t align with a gifted child’s strengths. For example, if writing by hand is a struggle due to their perfectionism, consider using talk-to-text software. The goal is to adapt and find ways for them to communicate their thoughts effectively, rather than forcing them to conform to typical methods.

Focus on strength-based learning strategies. Identify what your child is naturally good at and build on those strengths. This approach not only boosts their confidence but also helps them see that their unique abilities are valuable.

 

Embracing Their Unique Perspective

 

Gifted children often have unique perspectives that can sometimes clash with societal norms. It’s essential to help them balance fitting in with embracing their individuality. Teach them to consider multiple perspectives in various situations. Practice mindfulness, which involves being fully present in the moment without judgment and considering how their actions affect others.

Encourage your children to ask questions and be curious about the world around them. Incorporating these practices into regular homeschooling conversations can normalize empathy and critical thinking.

 

Encouraging Self-Reflection

 

Soliciting opinions from children is a valuable practice. It helps them to think carefully about their ideas and learn from their experiences. Use the “one to five” strategy to guide them through self-reflection, helping them identify which issues are vital and which are not.

Parenting and homeschooling gifted children is an ongoing journey of learning and adapting. By understanding and addressing perfectionism, creating meaningful connections, and using strength-based strategies, we can help our gifted children thrive. 

Remember, the journey is about helping our children become their best selves, understanding their unique traits, and celebrating the beauty of their individuality. It’s a shared adventure, and with love and support, we can navigate it together.

 

RLL #248: Tackling Perfectionism | A Conversation with Lisa Van Gemert

 

Today we have a truly insightful episode featuring Lisa Van Gemert, an expert in gifted education and the mind behind Gifted Guru. Join us as we explore the intricacies of perfectionism in gifted children, how it intertwines with their cognitive abilities, and its impact on their mental and emotional health.

Lisa shares invaluable strategies for parents, including a unique “one to five” task evaluation approach that can help children better understand and navigate their perfectionistic tendencies. We’ll also discuss the importance of connection and mindfulness, teaching kids empathy and critical thinking, and offering grace in the homeschooling journey.

 

Key Takeaways:

• Evaluating Perfectionism: Lisa introduced a practical “one to five” strategy for helping children—and parents—navigate the pressures of perfectionism by rating the importance of various tasks. This helps them discern between crucial and non-critical issues, thus reducing unnecessary stress.
• Emphasizing Self-Reflection: We discussed the importance of normalizing self-reflection for children, helping them understand and accept their unique traits. This practice not only fosters self-awareness but also nurtures a healthy, growth-oriented mindset.
• Connection Over Academics: Lisa’s advice for homeschooling parents is invaluable—prioritize moments of connection and love over sheer academic achievements. Your dedication and sacrifice are more than enough for your children.

Tune in to hear more about how we can support our neurodivergent learners and help them thrive, both academically and emotionally. 

Links and Resources from Today’s Episode

Our sponsor for today’s episode is CTC Math 

• Pre-Order – The Homeschool Advantage: A Child-Focused Approach to Raising Lifelong Learners
• Raising Lifelong Learners Membership Community – The Learners Lab
• Raising Resilient Sons by Colleen Kessler, M.Ed.
• Lisa Van Gemert’s site: https://giftedguru.com
• Living Gifted: 52 Tips to Survive and Thrive in Giftedland by Lisa Van Gemert
• Never Good Enough | Perfectionism
• Managing Perfectionism | Strategies for Parents
• Perfectionism And Gifted Children: What You Need To Know
• RLL #55: Helping Your Child Manage Perfectionism
• Masterclass | Cultivating a Healthy Mindset
• Managing Perfectionism: 10 Tips for Helping Your Gifted Child
• Building Strong Writers at Home | Insights from Occupational Therapist Sarah Collins
• Learning Strategies for Reluctant Gifted Children
• Knowing If Your Child is Gifted
• The Social Emotional Needs Of Gifted And Neurodiverse Children
• Homeschooling Our Gifted Children: The Power Of Artful Questions
• Anxiety vs. Stress vs. Perfectionism: Helping Our Children Cope
• Homeschool Testing | Helping Your Perfectionist Do Hard Things

Connect with Lisa Van Gemert
Learn more on her website: https://giftedguru.com
Connect on Instragram @TheGiftedGuru,on Facebook @GiftedGuru, or on YouTube at: https://www.youtube.com/lisavangemert

 

 

 

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